Month: April 2020

My quiet time is cut short this morning. I have to be at work at the time I normally get up. It’s going to be a long day.

At least I’ll be cooking. I don’t get to do it for people often anymore.

I miss the Bistro.
Mostly I miss chatting with my full and satisfied customers.

Maybe another time.
I did get to live my dream. Not many people can say that.
If you have the chance, the opportunity or even a day to do what you dream of doing,
DO IT.

Your life will change.
Your life will be different.
You will change.
Technology allows us to do things never before possible.
We can video, record, publish, almost anything we dreamed about doing.
Never got that record deal?
Never published that short story?

Now is your chance.
Sing that song, write that book, share it with anyone and everyone.
You may go viral.
You may have your own fan club.
But most of all, you can say you did it.
Live your dream if just for a few minutes.

And never stop dreaming.
Lorene

I am 55 years young.

I’m not the weight listed next to my height on the chart. I’d look like death warmed over if I was. I haven’t been that size since I escaped the womb for Pete sake.

I got out of the shower and was drying off, whoever decided a large mirror in the bathroom was a good idea had to have been drunk.
I normally don’t pay too much attention to it when I’m nude. For some reason this time, the reflection caught my eye.

I stood there looking myself up and down.
My physical eye saw where gravity had taken its toll.
Perky can now only describe my personality after a pot of coffee.

The pink scar from my belly button down, a reminder of the 2 beautiful babies I carried for months. The only true time in their lives that I would be the only one that could shield them from the bad in the world.

Throughout my hips and tummy are lines. A pattern of stripes where my skin stretched to make way for the temporary home I needed to provide for my children. Leaving memory marks taking me back to the 80’s, the 2 times my body was perfect.

They remind me of tiger stripes.
A time in my life I was fierce and protective of my Cubs.
I used to dislike them, now I want to tattoo them and make them bolder as a statement of my best accomplishments.
Not a participation ribbon, but my grand champion trophies.
I am proud of them.

I don’t have a six pack, well if I do its behind this pony keg. It’s not that bad, I could model, it may be for the farmers almanac but hey, we all fit in somewhere.
These thighs. Eh, I own them.

I have a scar on my hip where bone was taken to put in my neck, another scar. I tell people the neck scar was a bar fight. Sounds better.
Under the end of my chin is a faint mark where I had stitches. My mother said I tripped over my cousins truck in the floor when I was two and met the edge of the coffee table.
My left thumb had stitches, a reminder I was a chef of my own restaurant but looked away for a split second while sharpening my chef’s knife.
On the top of my foot is a burn scar. Iron fell from the ironing board and landed on the top of my foot. Mom smeared mayonnaise on it to cool it down.
I have plenty of marks on this body, the mirror only shows what the eye can see.

Other scars are hidden inside.
Broken hearts, hurt feelings, bruised ego.
And so much more.
I own each and every scar I have.
It’s the road map of my life.
Showing what I’ve survived the past 5 decades.
I’m comfortable in my skin. You should be too. It’s what holds all your adventures and memories together.
Rawr!
Lorene

Saturdays, what a great way to start the weekend.

You can sleep in if you like. My internal clock doesn’t let me most of the time.
So I will sip my coffee in my quiet, dark living room and listen to house sounds.
I’ll text with friends that are early birds or getting ready for work. That’s always a great way to start the day, with friends.

I’m attending a Christmas party today, where I will get to see friends I haven’t in a few months, and meet new friends and spouses.
A few hours of adult socializing.
No work.
No worries.
Just hugs, kisses, laughter and being around people who think just like me.

It feeds the soul.

Don’t wait for the holidays to have that get together with friends.
Friends are chosen.

We aren’t born into them like family, though some seem like a part of your family.
Friends are unique.
You chose them, they chose you.
How much more special is that?

Be the friend you expect to have.
Remember, they chose you for a reason.
Celebrate your friendship on a daily basis, don’t wait for a special occasion, or a funeral.
Celebrate now.
Love you my friends!
Here’s to us!☕
Lorene

It’s hard to believe you have been gone 13 years.

I wish I could have done more to make your life happier and easier.
I remember rubbing lotion on your feet in the hospital. Your diabetes took a toll on your skin. I wanted to make you as comfortable as possible.
You kept telling me I didn’t have to, but I wanted to, not to mention you couldn’t see the tears on my face.

They let me sit with you after you left this earth. I held your hand and told you all the things I should have through out the years. I never wanted to burden you with my problems, I wanted to always be the strong one for you.

In all actuality, you were my rock.
You had me alone in a time that it was unacceptable to have a child out of wedlock.
You protected me and help provide me with a wonderful life.
I never needed for anything until now.

Now, I just need more time.
More time to talk with you over coffee, listen to the gripes about your day, your aches and pains, who was acting like an idiot this week.
Sit at your table and smell the wonderful aromas of what you had cooking that day. Learn your tamale recipe. Help you wrap and tie dozens upon dozens of them.
More time to brag about my kids and grand kids.
Bring them to visit Little Grandma and watch you let them get away with things I got the wooden spoon across my backside for doing.

I know you’re watching Mom. I try to make you proud for keeping me, for not letting shame change your love for me.
For making me the woman I am today.
I miss you.
I love you.
Lorene

Alone in the dark once more. Sipping hot coffee and planning out my day.
A night out with friends always makes for a wonderful day. Whether its dinner, a movie, Game night or just drinks by the fire, the company of those you love can change your entire outlook on a crappy day.

What about alone time?
You know I have mine, bless your hearts you end up reading about it.
Time alone is easy and enjoyable when you like the company you are with.

Did you get that?

Read it again.

I like my own company.

I like who I am and love spending time with me as much as I love time with a bestie.
I can talk myself into shenanigans faster than anyone.
I am comfortable having a meal at a restaurant alone.
Table for one.
I’m sure people think, how sad, she doesn’t have anyone to share a meal with today.
Or maybe something not as nice if I’m bellied up to the bar having margarita appetizers.
Please, I can make a sandwich at home.
I can order pizza.
I can mix a cocktail.
I can go to a drive thru.
I choose to sit and enjoy a meal without conversation.
Enjoying each bite, inhaling the aroma of each spice, tasting the flavors slowly, sipping a nice wine.
People watching, day planning, relaxing.

But most importantly, spending time with someone I love.

Refilling myself so I can continue to share with others.
If only everyone would love themselves for who they are and aspire to be.
It makes it so much easier to love others unconditionally.

I love my own company.

When I learned to do that, my life bloomed, became less self conscious, doubting, insecure and more challenging, aware, secure and happy.
Love you. I do!
Lorene

Sitting here running my calendar through my mind this morning it really hits me.

Its December 2019

The final days of the decade.
Days
Wow

So my mind shifts to things I need to get done by year end and then the year 2020.
This century started 20 years ago. Which is strange, because 1980 was 20 years ago, wasn’t it?

I used to wonder what it would be like living during the roaring 20’s. Well I’m about to find out! Don’t expect to see me dressed like a flapper, on second thought, expect anything from me!
This past decade has been so life changing for me. Career, health, accomplishments, failures.

Scratch that last one, I haven’t failed, just learned how not to do things the next time.

I have grown as a mother, wife, woman and human being.
I learned to look at life differently.
I’ve died and experienced a small piece of what comes after. That one event changed my way of thinking, doing and feeling.
Not many people get second chances, I’m embracing mine.
I’m stepping into another decade, more like jumping in with both feet!

2020
Clear sight
Perfect
Oh yes! I’ll be roaring for the next 10 years, going through my “20’s”
you should join me!
Rawr
Lorene

Remember when you prayed for the things you have today.

Don’t forget, not all things come easily.
You’ve come a long way baby.

It’s hard to appreciate what we have when we forget it wasn’t always there.
I’ve prayed to survive teen motherhood. Do what was best for my daughter, give her as many opportunities as I possibly could, all the while becoming the grown woman I thought I already was.

I made it.
More importantly, SHE made it.

I prayed for a career in law.
I was taken on a career path like no other. Twists and turns, 8 lane highways and one lane country dirt roads most of the time with no brakes or power steering.
What a ride it has been! And I’m still cruising right along.

I’ve prayed for the shape I had in high school.
I have that hour glass figure, however the sands of time have shifted and I’m ok with that.
I’ve prayed to have enough money for rent and food. The ability to keep me and my child warm and safe.
I was blessed with friends and room mates that were there for me.

10 for a dollar mac and cheese and pizzas not picked up where I worked.

Now I’m ashamed to say, I have a crisper where vegetables come to die. A fur baby that eats better than some children in the country.

I prayed for a soul mate.
I was given good men in my life. Each relationship made me who I am today. They gave me Life lessons, children, tears, heart break, love and friendship.
All of which prepared me for Troy.

Be careful what you pray for….
I only hope he was prepared for someone like me.
I’ve done a lot of praying in 50 plus years, not all were answered in the way I imagined, but all answers led me here.

Everyone that has touched my life is a result of prayer, directly or indirectly.
So pray.
To your God or Goddess, mother earth or the Universe.
They all are answered in time.

Just look around, some of the things around you started out as prayers.
Lorene

I slept in a bit this morning.
I spent some quality time with my baby daughter yesterday. There was laughter, tears and lots of coffee. I know that’s the way to her heart. As long as I have coffee mate.

Chemae has a beautiful soul.
Her heart is big enough to hold love like no other.
She gives so much of herself to help others that I used to worry. I felt like she should be taking care of herself and family.

Then I realized she was.

She is teaching her kids it’s ok to give of yourself and help others even when you don’t have much.

Thanksgiving this year, her family cooked for the homeless shelter. She could have spent that time with her own family, kicked back and enjoying someone else cooking, but no, she wanted to give back.

It’s not just people she takes in, but animals too. Strays of all kinds seem to find their way to her. I think God guides them.
I’ve watched this girl grow into a woman the hard way. Like the rest of us, making not so good decisions along the way, but never once did she turn her back on someone in need.
She is a stay at home mom, and feels like a failure because she isn’t successful.

Let me say this….

Oh baby girl, you are more successful than you will ever know. You have touched the hearts and lives of so many, me included with your faith in humanity.

I couldn’t be more proud.

You will only get stronger now that you have a partner that believes like you.
I love you and I know your life has made a difference in So many others.
Success isn’t measured in dollars and cents.
Being a truly decent and loving human being is rare and worth more than gold and silver.
You are rich beyond your wildest dreams my dear. I wish I had half the heart you do.

☕ here’s to you Chemae,
I love you and the woman you’ve become.
I’m proud to be your Mom. ❤

I know I’ve succeeded when I look at my children. Their accomplishments are mine in a sense. Most are more than I will ever achieve.
Now you all go hug your babies!
Lorene

I didnt write yesterday.

Maybe because it was Monday or I just didn’t have anything to say.

My grade school teachers would all agree it was NOT that I didn’t have anything to say. Lord know they told me to shut up and move to the front a lot in those days.
Writing “I will not talk in class” only honed my writing skills. I would dot my “I’s” with hearts or flowers. Practice my cursive as I got older. It may have kept my mouth occupied, but my young brain was on full blast!

Its flattering when I don’t share my thoughts one day and people ask me about it, or just tell me that they enjoy finding my post first thing on the morning.
Well, this one is for you!

People like you help me step out of my comfort zone. Whether it is cooking for you or sharing my thoughts, your words of encouragement push me forward.
Never stop being that type of person and friend.

If we encourage one another to succeed, just think what a wonderful life we would be living! And the best part…
It doesn’t cost a thing!

Your success takes nothing from mine.
Hear that?

Your bright light doesn’t dim mine.
Your shining star doesn’t cause mine to shoot down. It actually helps light up the night sky.
I can light your candle with mine and my flame will continue to burn, and when our wicks touch, the flame is even brighter.

I pray you reach whatever goals you desire.
And on the path there you help and inspire another on their journey.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Thank you for exploring my thoughts.
Go shine that light so others may see!
Lorene

This week is taking its sweet time.
I guess I shouldn’t complain, Christmas is a week away. I’ve missed the hustle and bustle because I’ve stayed out of the stores.

The weather does not say Christmas.
Seeing people out and about with scarves, heavy coats and gloves seem to be a sure sign that the holidays have arrived.

That’s not happening.
I don’t listen to the radio when I drive, so I haven’t heard Jingle Bells or more importantly, the BC Clark Christmas Jingle.
If it weren’t for the frost on my windows in the morning it could be September.
The tell tale signs of the holidays, to remind you of the past and what is to come.

People do seem a little more cheerful.
Parties are happening, gatherings of friends.

Gifts, which let me say are not important. Not the physical item.
Could be bound blank paper to capture your thoughts or the most exquisite diamond.
The real gift is the thought behind it.
Someone thought of you.
Took the time to choose something they hoped every time you saw it reminded you that they think of you.
The best gift is to be remembered.
That doesn’t come in shiny paper with a big bow.
It comes from the heart.

Treat every day like Christmas.
Remind people they are important and have meaning in your life.
Give them the gift they can hold tight and take everywhere.
Many blessings to you and yours.
Hugs my friends!
Lorene