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Up a half hour before my alarm. I laid there listening to house sounds, Troy’s heavy breathing, not quite a snore, and the tinkle of Maddies collar as she gets comfy again.

I moved to my quiet room, now coffee In Hand.
It’s that time of year I want to keep busy and not think too much.
I lost my mom in December 13 years ago.

A part of me blames myself.
I feel guilty for the times I rushed down to Lawton but was too busy to swing by and say hello, see her face, hold her hand, hug her.
And now, that’s impossible.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see her. It’s amazing how much I look like her.
I hear her words cross my lips at times.
I miss her.
I still have conversations with her, well, I talk, she listens.

The day I died, I believe she was one of the voices in that white room. Guiding me once more. Such an overwhelming sense of peace surrounded me.
I know she watches over me.

Being my guardian angel would be way too much work, but she is here with me.
Once in a while the passenger seat belt light will come on for no reason.
No earthly reason.
I say hello Mom and it goes out.

Don’t miss the chance to say I love you.
Hugs, I love you
Lorene

I did it.
I took a few days off.

My staff is finally taking vacations after being so short staffed.
After working 50 and 60 hour weeks, I decided I needed a mental health day or two. The holiday is very slow with most of the hospital off, so now is the perfect time for me to lay low. I have a capable staff to handle things while I’m gone and I’m just a text away.

So here I sit at 9 am in my gown and coffee. I slept in a bit and missed my dark room time, but coffee tastes the same, house makes the same noise, I can just see the dust on the shelf. A quiet reminder I need swiffer pads.

Huh.
I need to fill my cup once more.
Not just my coffee cup, that’s a given, but me. I feel a little empty and I cant give if that happens.
I am to the point of feeling like I just don’t want to….anything.
I need to recharge, inhale more motivation and energy to tackle the end of the year.

Refill my sharing cup.
Have some me time.
Relax.
Snuggle my husband and fur baby.
Have lunch with friends.
Have no deadlines.
No alarms. Well, my inner alarm still gets me up by 5. But I can stay in bed if I want.

Time to just…BE

I know some of you feel the same way.
Don’t burnout.
Take time for yourself.
It can be an hour or a week.
Just do it.
For you and those around you.
Deep breath, closed eyes, exhale.
Love you all!
Lorene

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is a verb.

Today has always been a food holiday for me. A break from school, then a day off of work, family gatherings where we eat, drink and be merry. Seeing all the cousins, oh and grandmas divinity.
Ok, there’s always some kind of drama when your family is all there, but no family is perfect. That just adds to the fun.

Today is a day of gratitude.
A national day of gratitude.
A time to reach down and think about everything we are thankful to have in our lives, past and present.
Family, friends, job, are usually the first to pop into your mind.

I was watching a show last night, 2 young children were running for their lives when bombs were falling on their town.
As a child my only concern for safety was to get home before dark so I didn’t meet Mom at the door with a belt.
We always had food on the table, sometimes it was beans and cornbread before payday, but we always ate.

We lived in a trailer, and I would fall asleep to the rain hitting the metal roof. No fancy house of brick and mortar, still on wheels.
But dry, warm and safe.

We tend to forget the basic things in life when we count our blessings.
We take them for granted.
Our freedom, our rights, our soldiers, police officers, fireman, those who serve and put their lives on the line for us daily. Those who keep us safe from harm,
Our right to protect our own, and way of life.

When you sit around the table today, take turns sharing for what you are thankful.
When you put your head on your pillow tonight, say thanks once more.

Make everyday a time for Thanksgiving.
I’m thankful for all of you, my friends, my family, my country and freedom.
May your God and mine, bless you a thousand times over.
Lorene

Yesterday I got so much accomplished and did Nothing.

I slept in, giving my body the physical rest it needed.
I snuggled up to Big Daddy on one side and Maddie on the other, pooling my thoughts of gratitude of the past year.
I drank my coffee, saving others from a possible attitude attack.

I showered, washed my hair, let it dry into tiny curls, and put my gown back on, not having any responsibilities today.

I watched my husband take over the kitchen, making pumpkin spiced waffles and ham steak, realizing how fortunate I am.
I played on my phone, interacting with friends close and far away, lucky to be able to keep in touch.
Laid next to Big Daddy on the couch, sharing time together that is normally spent at work.

Taste tested a batch of “whatever is in the pantry” cookies Troy threw together enjoying a Good laugh when the oven shut off creating two pans of what will now be known as “crispy M & M wafers”.

Had cookies for dinner, completing the overdue dream I had as a child of “doing what I want”.
I watched movies with my partner in crime, laughing together, enjoy time and space that is rare in our busy lives.

At the end of the day, I crawled back into bed, in my safe place, arms around me, guard dog at the foot of the bed, a reminder of my beautiful life.
What a day of doing absolutely nothing, and being rewarded with everything I’ll ever need!
It truly is the season of Thanksgiving.
I pray you stop and see all your blessings.
Enjoy them with no effort at all.
And have cookies for dinner.
Lorene

I’m scrolling through my pics this morning while waiting for my coffee and realize I have a ton of pictures on my phone.
Mostly of food, imagine that, and some I don’t remember taking at all. I have to think and jog my memory.

Each is a second or two, maybe a snip-it of my day at one time or another.
Each has a memory attached to it.
There was a reason I took the picture. I wanted to recall this time, place or thing later or wanted to share it with someone.

Not too many years ago I would have had to wait a week to get my pictures back and prayed they weren’t blurry. Then 24 hour service! Wow that’s fast!
And now.

Its instant.
Take a picture or video that can last forever.
Sharing your memory with thousands of people at the same time with the tap of a screen.

It’s really kind of crazy for someone my age.
I grew up in a time where you waited for the prize.
Today it’s all about instant gratification.
I want it now.
I’ll do what it takes later.
Maybe.

I’m caught up in some of that, I admit it.
I sometimes stand in front of the microwave and yell hurry!!
I like texting because I don’t have to wait on a phone to ring.
I’m a little spoiled with the advances we have today. But I do appreciate them more because I wasn’t born with them around me.

I memorized everyone’s phone number at one time. I remember no caller ID, you had to close your eyes and wish it was that cute boy calling, rotary phones that were limited to a wall and waiting on the oven to reheat pizza.

The dark ages.
Today? I want it all and I want it now.
And I can have it.
I can have it all.

But I’m not entitled to it.
None of us are. We deserve what we get through hard work and earning our keep. Fighting for our rights and defending our freedom to have it all.
Even if it’s a picture of my amazing dinner last night, or of Groot, who sits on my desk and reminds me how much Troy pays attention to what makes me laugh.

You deserve it all!
Working and waiting for it makes it so much sweeter.
I’ll keep sharing my life with you, I love glimpsing into yours!
Be happy!
Cheers! ☕
Lorene

27° feels like 14°
I don’t want to feel 14
I want to at least feel my age! Brrr
Outside is not appealing to me today.

I’m inside, sipping my coffee wearing house shoes.
That’s all.
House shoes.
Don’t act surprised, I’ve told you before I run around naked in the house. It helps me be comfortable in my skin.
My feet were cold, hence the house shoes.

It’s always easier to stay in the comfort of your own home. Or circle.
Venturing out can be cold and cruel at times.
Unwelcoming
Some of the people you meet aren’t comfortable in their skin so they criticize yours, sometimes making you doubt your own existence, your clothing choice, hairstyle or even what you choose to eat.
I know people talk about me, have secret nicknames they call me.
I love it!
You know why.
I’m in their heads.
Something about me makes them think of me a lot! Good thoughts or bad, they are consumed by me.

I had a woman comment on my skirt once, it was far from a compliment, saying….well now, THAT skirt is very different.
I looked at her, sitting alone, not a smile to be seen and smiled the biggest smile I could muster and responded…YES! THANK YOU! different just like me! Why be normal? Have a great day!

I chose that skirt because it was different. Remember the game TETRIS?
Your goal was to fit the pieces together.
Well, when you make them fit in,
They disappeared.
Hmmmm

I kind of like being that fruit loop in a world of cheerios. And you should too!
Be you! No one else can do that!
Many have imitated, but none have mastered being like me.
I change every day.
I grow.
I evolve.
I like me,
And my company.
And I’m not afraid to wear that different skirt in public or nothing at home.

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.
Who wants to be tea anyway?
I’m more a shot of fireball.
Some can handle it, some can’t.
Most will just sit back and watch the show.

I wonder what fireball in coffee tastes like…
Never mind, time to put some clothes on.

I hope you have the most wonderful, different day!
Be you!
Love Big!
Lorene

This is one of my favorite pictures of Big Daddy and me.
We are at the shop, his man cave if you will. Girls are allowed, if there is a He Mans women haters club, I am unaware.

That face.
I just love that face.
His trademark hats, mustaches and bowling shirts.

Today marks 17 years of wedded bliss.
17 years of being my Valentine.
17 years of learning to meld two families.
We didn’t do a very good job of that.
What we did do was survive it.
Together.

We don’t love each other as much as we did the day we said I Do.
It’s so much more. And for different reasons.
Over the past 17 years we have learned so much about each other, how we tick, what we need and don’t need and when.
And learn more each day.

How to love.
We love Big.

We are a team. We protect each other, our backs and our reputations. Our family, our livelihood. Nothing can come between us.
His arms are my safe space.

If the world collapsed around us today, I am not afraid. I have my big ol redneck to take care of me.
I know he is the one person on this planet that would trade his life for mine.
That is a feeling that is beyond explanation.
A feeling I wish for you.

I know this sounds like a novel boasting a cover with some long haired handsome man on horseback riding along the beach at sunset, and in a way it’s my romance story,
only with a hotrodder behind the wheel of a roadster saying, jump in baby, let’s go for the ride of our lives.

I’m glad I jumped in.
The ride has been amazing.
And there are so many more roads to travel.

Happy Anniversary my love.

Thanks for picking me up and showing me what it feels like to have the wind in my face and riding shotgun on the best of life’s journeys.

I love you Troy Wood.
Way behind my back.

Sweet Momma

Lorene

And just like that, everyone was reaching out into the universe for balance.
Well played NASA, well played.

I have a secret I’m going to share.

You can use the powers of the universe on a daily basis.

Now that you’ve made your brooms stand alone, try the trick on yourselves. It’s not really a trick. The broom didn’t stand itself up.
You did it.

You stopped what you were doing, focused on making that broom stand at attention. Your hands were gentle and coaxing, you told the broom…you can do it.
You expected that broom to stand alone.
Slowly you pulled away your hands, the crutch that was holding it in place and backed away.
It started to sway a bit and you reached out to support it once more, imagining it standing alone, long enough to snap a picture for Facebook.
You slowly back away, giving it space.
And
TADA!
YOU DID IT!

It’s amazing what we can do with a little focus and balance.
Now, using the same process, balance YOU.
You made a broom do it.
You had more faith in that broom than you have for yourself on a daily basis.
Tsk tsk

The powers of the universe are yours for the taking. There is enough to go around.
Pray for it
Meditate for it
Reach for it
Balance yourself

It’s not one day a year that we have to wait for an alignment. Draw that energy daily.
Absorb it.
Be filled with it.
Post THAT picture on Facebook.

Love Big
Lorene

Do you ever wonder about your existence?
Why you are here?
I’ve been told there is a reason for everything, God has a plan for you.
But do you ever wonder what it is?

I have often wondered what my contribution to mankind is or was.
Is my purpose complete?
Is it ongoing?

Was it a chain of events? opening a restaurant, hiring someone who would later perform the Heimlich on a patron, saving his life?
When I took the time to chat with someone who later said it was the reason they did not put a gun to their head, was that my purpose?
Was it the time I paid someone’s electric bill?
Or when I secretly purchased a soldier’s lunch?
Maybe volunteering to ring bells at Christmas, that money feeding a family or sending a child to camp.
Encouraging someone to follow their dreams?
Or when all I could do was hug a hurting friend?

If there was a flashing sign saying….
THIS IS IT, YOUR PURPOSE FOR BEING HERE,
Would I stop being kind?
Stop volunteering?
Stop hugging or taking the time to chat with someone?
God, I hope not.

I truly believe knowing I helped someone, no matter how small makes my existence worth it.
Maybe thats their purpose.
Making a difference in my life.
Validation for my existence.

Full circle.

Treat each act as though it is your purpose.
The results may be for you.

Love hard.

Lorene

Well poo.
Its Monday.
After being off for the holidays I’ve come to the conclusion I should have been born rich.

It had been a long while since I had days off more than a weekend.
At first it was kind of strange, every day I did not get dressed for work seemed like a Saturday. Threw my whole internal clock off. Even Maddie was confused. She has a routine of going to work with Daddy Monday thru Friday and I leave before they get out of bed.

I’ve spent more time with Troy these past 5 days than in the past 5 months.
We didn’t kill each other.
We didn’t clean house.
We snuggled.
A lot
We were just here.
Together.
Absorbing each others energy.
Reconnecting.
That’s important for any relationship.

Time

I even feel that Maddie likes me a little more than usual.
The time you spend reading my thoughts bring you a little closer to me.
Like it or not.
I doubt anyone will ever understand me, therapists have tried and failed, hell, I’ve tried and failed.
But reading what’s in my thoughts can give you a snippet of me. The more time you spend reading me, the more you’ll know me.

Warning…
I am not perfect, (gasp)
I make mistakes.
I’m human.
Blood runs thru my veins. (Contrary to popular belief it is ice water)
I use social media as a journaling tool. As you can tell, if you follow me, I love animals and food. I also worry about missing persons.

And I love to laugh.
I think I’ve lost my train of thought this morning. And I’m rambling, so I’ll wrap this up and not take much more of your time.

I’d be in bed if I’d been born rich, but alas it was not in the stars.
My bank account is not full, but my life is about as rich as they come.
I have time for one more cup before I tackle the new week.
Cheers ☕ my friends.
Enjoy your time.
Lorene