Month: April 2020

These holidays falling on a Wednesday sure can mess up your internal clock.
It’s like having a week full of Mondays and a Saturday plopped down in the center.
You might take some time off, but you’re busy with the holiday craze. So its go, go, go.

We are having our family Christmas Saturday.
Children, grand children, brother, niece, moms and dads, in laws, out laws and even bonus children.
Bonus children, because my daughter has a heart big enough to love a couple of extra girls that need a family right now. They are in for a surprise, this family puts the fun in dysFUNctional!
The more the merrier.
We are all family in some way, shape or form.
There is always room at the table, you may just have to bring your own lawn chair.
Each year our family grows, sometimes in numbers and or successes.
I am grateful I can sit back and watch the show, sometimes a comedy sometimes a drama. I get to play a supporting role in some, others I’m an honorable mention. However it plays out, I know I’ve touched each of these lives somehow, someway, hopefully for the better. I enjoy watching them build their seasons one episode at a time.

All of them Stars in my book.

Well, my coffee time is over and my own sitcom needs to be written today, so I’m off!
See you soon!
Same bat time
Same bat channel
Lorene

Well, it’s back to the norm.
First full week of the new year. No more holidays tucked away in the middle of the week. Unless someone declares Wednesday a National holiday. All the work you left on your desk is there waiting for some attention. Grinning at you like a Cheshire cat.

Back to the grind.
Back to the norm.
Or is it?
Things change every day.

There is always something new.

Never the norm.

Like this ear ache I woke up to at 2:30 this morning, ugh. It has altered my day already.
The door separating my bathroom and closet is stuck, I’m having to alter my normal morning routine going around and thru my bedroom, trying hard not to wake Troy.

I am in my quiet place this morning with my coffee, enjoying the house sounds, but missing some early messaging.
The coffee is warm and smooth to the taste, but each swallow reminds me of the pain in my ear.
Someone will be starting today without a loved one. Without the physical presence they have had almost a lifetime. Learning to live without them.
Someone is starting a new career, bigger and better than the last, a job with promise, benefits and more money.
Someone will be attending a new school, knowing no one, scared and nervous.

Someone will have their boots on foreign soil, fulfilling a promise to protect, serve and guard our freedoms. God bless and protect them.
A life will start today, somewhere with people around to snap pictures and brag.
A life will end, alone, unnoticed.
Everyday can be the norm.
Get up, get moving. Get out….

The same routine.

But living life is far from routine.
Take what life throws and build with it!
Lemons, rocks, daisies….
Use them to build your castle so you can drink lemonade or whiskey sours while watching the flowers grow.
Never be normal.
Lorene

Quiet, dark and coffee.
Sometimes I wish I had longer, but the clock keeps moving and the light grows brighter outside.
Crazy how much faster time moves when you get older. Some days seem to last forever but the years, wow, they fly by.
I remember celebrating America’s bicentennial.
1976
I was a 6th grader at Roosevelt elementary in Lawton Oklahoma.
44 years ago
44!
February 1983. Lawton Oklahoma
I’m in a ward room scheduled to have my daughter. Watching TV, trying to pick a name. Scared.
Alone.
I didn’t make anyone proud that year except me. I was proud.
January 1989. Neu Ulm Germany
Another hospital room surrounded by German nurses who barely spoke English, and my husband that translated so I wasn’t so confused. Another proud moment. Not alone, but Just as scared.
February 2003
Married my life partner. It’s been an adventure, but flying by oh so fast.
May 2003
My first grandchild. The moment she was in my arms, she became my Ladybug.
That was 16 years ago.
Yesterday, I swear.
If only life had a pause button.
And a rewind, I’d play it over and over. That would be worth a day long binge.
55 seasons of the life of Lorene. 🤣
What a reality show that would be.
The Kardashians have nothing on me!
You, yeah you, don’t worry, I’ll change the names to protect the innocent. ❤
Well, get out there and start living!
Go be your own reality show star.
I need more coffee….
Lorene

When you are alone and everything is quiet, what do you hear?
Your own voice in your head?
Did you hear that?

Self pointing out that humming sound you cant recognize. It has a rhythm, so surely it’s not someone hiding in the closet. Too mechanical sounding and perfect. No one hums perfectly.

I can hear myself swallow. I kind of slurp my hot coffee when no one is around. I think it cools it off a bit. The tinkle of the spoon in the cup as I stir before each drink. It almost sounds like a little bell.

My entire body seems to make sounds loud enough to wake the dead. I sound like a box of rice krispies. SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!!
My neck, back, jeeze its loud in here!

I can hear Troy breathing heavy while he sleeps in the other room. The sound of Maddie’s tag jingle as she gets comfortable in my warm spot.

My brain tends to go into overdrive planning out the day, I sometimes even argue with myself.

In my head.

At least its just one voice.

I never know what or if I’m going to write something in the morning. What I may find fascinating you may think I’m adding whiskey to my coffee.
The subject can be about something that happened during the week and made me think a little deeper. Most of the time I start and end up writing something totally different. It’s like I have no control over my thoughts. My fingers just type out of habit, putting down what my brain tells it to whether it makes sense or not.

Someone asked me the other day, what’s wrong with me. How can I get up so early and write a book.
My answer?
I don’t know.
I wish I could do it for a living. Lol

I just hear myself early in the morning, and self tries to motivate me away from the coffee pot. Tells me clothing is not optional and I must interact with other humans, not just fur babies.
My head is full of self conversation and I feel the need to write it down, a way of making room up there for more thoughts. And of course giving you a glimpse of how my crazy brain works.
Unedited

I’m now being told I must get up and moving.
SNAP my way to the bathroom, CRACKLE into some clothes and POP on over to work.
Have a blessed day my friends.
Lorene

There is a heavy mist this morning, maybe a sprinkle.
Our household of three are sitting on the porch enjoying the fresh air.
I can feel the cold droplets on my shoulders and see them in Maddie’s fur.
I have said I want a covered porch, but this morning I am happy enjoying nature up close and personal.

My hair will be a frizzy mess, I keep wiping the screen of my phone and there is a chill down my spine once in a while from the cold mist.

But I’m not moving just yet.

The air is fresh, I’m inhaling deep to refill my lungs with pure nature washed air.

Listening to the birds chirping, no doubt taking a bath, rinsing their feathers of the every day dust.

I can hear the water dripping from the eaves of the house into a puddle by the porch. A splattering sound and it hits a dead leaf. Very calming. Maybe that’s what is lulling Maddie into a nap on the porch.

An occasional vehicle drives by, but the 2 seconds of engine roar fades quickly and is replaced by nature’s sounds once more.

Nature always takes over.

Nature has a way of cleaning itself of toxins, rebirthing the oceans, rivers, lakes and grounds.
We must be careful not to be one of those toxins. We must care for our home planet. Nourish it. Or nature may take us over.

It has always fascinated me how a deserted building, no matter how big and strong, can be taken over by nature.
She seems to wrap her arms around the invasion and absorb it. Allowing plants and animals to move back in.

We are mere renters here.
We own nothing.
We are allowed to live here as long as we tend our space with love and respect.
Everything in moderation.

This mist, the quiet of nature is reminding me how fortunate we really are to be here.
I am comforted by the green around me, the clean crisp air and the feel of wet cleansing water.

A few moments of becoming one with nature.

Lorene

I have no words of wisdom this morning.
No motivational quotes.
I want to take a minute and talk to my Life Partner, Troy Wood.

I tell you everyday I love you, usually through out the day. I tell you how safe I feel in your arms, how comfortable I am with you. You know I depend on you for my sanity and your encouraging words. I tell you how much you mean to me in so many ways, lover, friend, companion.

Sometimes i just take for granted you know what I’m thinking, or feel. So let me say this out loud.

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

I am proud of the man you are. I am proud of you for getting up 6 days a week to work and make sure we have a life filled with all our needs.

I am proud of you for helping those that will never be able to return the favor, and those that have no desire to. When doing so, you expect nothing even when it means your work day is longer to make up the time.

I am proud of you for being head strong and not wavering from your beliefs, religious, political, however you stand, you are a man of God and Country.

I am proud of you for never giving up. Life has thrown you some major curve balls and you keep pushing your way through it.

I’m proud of the father you strive to be. Tough love at times, but always there. Teaching lessons to help your children survive life’s curve balls.

I’m proud of the mentor in you. Being there for those who just need a figure in their lives that show them they control their destiny. Every decision has consequences and you share your failures so that they may learn and travel a better and easier road than you.

I am proud of your talent and love of building classic cars. The pride you put into each one, your soul sends a piece of itself out with each one. Your desire for perfection. Each car simple, beautiful and complex.

I am proud of how we have grown together. Each of us peeling layers off with each other neither of us trusted anyone else to see.

I am proud to be your life partner. We are not just married, a piece of paper can make or break that. You are my life partner, the one I will spend eternity annoying. We are forever. I am proud to be yours and call you mine.

I am proud you are secure in our relationship that I can be me, you can be you and we can be us. I am proud to be here with you.

So if I’ve never said it out loud, here it is. I want you and the world to know how I feel about the man that I love. Why I beam when we are walking arm and arm, why I wake with a smile on my face. The reason I am not afraid of what life throws my way.

I love you Big Daddy, way behind my back.
And I am so proud of you.
Sweet Momma
Lorene

Touch
It can change everything.
Hugs
There is nothing better than a long, strong hug. Hugs can be healing. They can reduce stress. They are calming.
It’s amazing how having someone else’s arms around you for 60 seconds or less can make the world disappear. Problems seem nonexistent. Fear dissipates. Nothing else exists at that moment. A way of saying I care without uttering a word.

Hand holding
There seems to be some security that comes with holding hands. You feel united. You get the feeling they will catch you if you fall. Pull you up when needed. A way of connecting you to one another. Being together. Letting each other know you are there.
This goes for groups too. Holding hands, making a wall of protection together. A circle in prayer, united in Christ, brotherly love.

Snuggling
Bodies touching, hugs, hand holding all wrapped into one. The ultimate trust touch. Closing your eyes letting the other watch over you. Keeping warm, sharing space. Letting the worries of the day float away.
Not just for lovers.
Friends snuggle.
Fur babies snuggle.
It’s a bond.

We crave human touch. At least I do. I will hug you hello and good bye. Stranger or friend. I’ll hold your hand if you need me to.
Need to decompress? We can snuggle, watch a movie and just hold each other and make the world a better place at least for 1 hour 47 minutes, credits included.
Touch my hand
Touch my heart

I hope you get at least one hug today and give one also.
Change everything.
Lorene

Monday
Went to bed just after 8 last night. How is that for preparing for the week. The weekend was relaxing and unproductive, just like time off is supposed to be.

Netflix was my friend on Saturday. Binged YOU, couch, blanket, fur baby. I got out of my pajamas long enough to shower and wash my hair. Then put them right back on.
My excuse? (Like I need one)
It was cold outside.

Sunday was a relaxing day. Not near as casual as Saturday. I put real clothes on, socks and shoes too. I hate wearing socks, but it was still cold out.
We spent the better part of the day with friends. A show, nice dinner and conversation.
Good for the soul.
Spending time with people you genuinely like. Finding friends that think like you, same values, same every day issues is refreshing and good for your well being and sanity.

A good weekend makes the new week seem like a piece of cake. Ready to be devoured and washed down with ice cold milk.
Easy peasy.

Of course every day starts with coffee and a little meditation. Focusing on how my day will pan out. I am in control of my destiny and my happiness.
So let’s do this!

Grab a refill on your coffee.
And go slay the day!
Lorene

Some days are challenging.
I wont say impossible because
tada!
I made it to today.
When I think out and plan the way I want my day to go, I forget there are other circumstances that can throw a wrench in it.

Over the years I have learned I do not have control over those times. Hard lesson, because I can be a control freak at times. I used to throw full fledged fits if things didn’t go my way. I know, that is so hard to believe unless we have been friends a long time, then you may have seen it.

I do have control of how I respond to such times. That is the key to surviving it mentally.
Don’t react
Respond

I guess life is all about interaction, good, bad or indifferent. Any one thing can change the course of the day. You have the power to sway it one way or another.

Wield that power!
Slay the day!
You got this!
Lorene

Good morning
I am getting ready for my last day of the work week. It’s been a challenging week. I wont go into detail and bore you, or entertain you depending on your outlook on life.

We will just celebrate today.
Not because its Friday, but because if you are reading this we woke up on the right side of the dirt.

Not everyone gets that privilege. I am fortunate to still be here. I plan on living a long healthy life. I have a different outlook on life and living now. It stems from the Event that happened June 1, 2018.

The day I died.

It was a Friday at the shop. Beautiful day, having a cocktail after work with Big Daddy and a friend when I started to feel bad. That’s the only word I could use to describe the feeling.
Bad
I knew something was wrong but couldn’t tell what. There was no pain, just a feeling.
Then it happened.
My face went white, lips blue. My eyes rolled back, my left arm pulled in tight to my body.
No heartbeat, pulse or breathing.
My friend was yelling for Troy and yelling my name. I could hear their voices, far away and muffled while I was in a white room.
At least I felt like it was a room. I could see nothing but white. No shapes, objects, not even my own hands.

Everything was a bright, Blinding white.

I was speaking with someone. Actually 2 someone’s. Just voices. I do not recall if they were Male or female. I like to think it was my mom and dad. Nor do I remember what we were talking about.
The entire time I could hear my name being yelled, behind me somewhere. I was trying to ignore it and focus on the voices before me.
I finally turned around and yelled “why are you yelling at me?”
That’s when my eyes opened. I was face to face with Troy and my friend, they were almost as white as the room I was just in.

Troy replied “because you died”

I laughed a bit and said ” yeah right, but I do think I peed myself.” When in actuality I had lost my bowels. After a quick shower at the shop they took me to the ER.

I wont go into details now, maybe one day I’ll write the entire story from beginning to end, if anything to document it for myself. But after almost a year of testing every organ in my body, brain, and even a heart cath, I am healthier than most women my age. No stroke, heart attack nothing.
No reason for what happened.
Just a quick visit to a beautiful place.
Quiet, peaceful, painless and comforting.

And a lesson.
This is not my last adventure.
There will be another. And although I’m not in any hurry to start that one, I’m not afraid .

Live each day like its your last.
Enjoy the smells, sounds and sights each day.
Take the time to sit and enjoy your solitude and surroundings. And of course that first cup of coffee.
And love.
Love big.
And be sure and the tell the people that have an impact on your life how you feel, they matter and make a difference.

Love you all, big dreams, big rewards!

Lorene